Studying scripture, wrestling theological questions, walking with hurting people: Not so much. Stilling my heart, sitting quietly and listening to Jesus in an unhurried way: C+
I wouldn’t admit this to myself for a long time (much less anyone else). I mean, what kind of minister wrestles with prayer? It’s like a personal trainer that skips cardio. It cuts to the heart of their credibility. That’s exactly why I’m writing about it.
When I was in seminary one of my favorite New Testament professors taught a class on prayer. He was a godly man who had forgotten more scripture than I will ever remember. Every student looked up to him. He began the class: “If there is one aspect of the Christian life with which I struggle, it is prayer.”
I was incredulous at first, but my self-righteousness was quickly overtaken by his humility. It was a profound moment in which two things became obvious: First, spiritual disciplines are a struggle for every Jesus-loving person (and pastor). That’s why they are called disciplines. Second, my professor’s honesty did not diminish his credibility, it deepened it.
“...whether we pray in a cloud of Shekinah Glory or fall asleep two lines into an ‘Our Father’, our need for Him to be the prime mover in our prayer life is no less, no more and will never change.”
He knew we all looked up to him. It would have been easy for my professor to stay atop the pedestal on which we had placed him by saying nothing. He also knew this would only perpetuate the poisonous mythology of a religious ruling class with lesser spiritual struggles. Instead, he showed us something far more precious: Jesus and his need for Him.
The simple message of the gospel is that God loves us because we belong to Him. He came to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves: bring us into the presence of the Father, purify our own hearts; be good enough, pious enough, loving enough, pray enough or religious enough to earn God’s favor. As my friend Russ Ramsey recently said, “If we trust in anything other than the unmerited grace of God, then we live under the illusion that God can be bought.”
It is good and essential to pray. It is also good to wrestle our hearts when they turn prayer into a chore akin to flossing our teeth. In the end, whether we pray in a cloud of Shekinah Glory or fall asleep two lines into an “Our Father,” our need for Him to be the prime mover in our prayer life is no less, no more and will never change. Thankfully, He meets our need. When “we do not know what we ought to pray for...the Spirit Himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God.” (Rom 8:26-27)
I pray this encourages you knowing, while you might struggle to pray, the Spirit who prays in and for you does not.
Take Heart,
Billy